Too many people with disabilities are vulnerable to physical, psychological and sexual abuse. Awareness of the problem is a step toward solving it.
People with disabilities are more likely to be victims of domestic violence and abuse by their loved ones than are the rest of the population. This is true of physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, overdosing or withholding medication, stealing money, immobilization, financial abuse and denying necessary equipment. People with disabilities are more likely to be abused for a longer duration and to suffer abuse from more than one individual. People with disabilities are more likely to depend on their abusers for food, personal care services, health care support and other vital roles.
Domestic violence has often been described as a silent epidemic, and for people with disabilities, the silence endures longer, as does the abuse. Nobody wants to admit to being an abuser, a victim or both, but unfortunately, the situation pervades our community.
I first became aware of the problem when a few of our members described their home lives as abusive. I began asking other advocates about this, colleagues in the New York City disability community, and found that many of them were quietly inspired to become advocates because they had lived as disabled victims of domestic violence. These people wanted to help others prevent or avoid those destructive situations. Apparently, the subject of domestic violence is even more taboo to speak out about in the disability community.
Case Histories
I participated in telephone/Internet training on current research in the area of people with disabilities as victims of domestic violence. As I began to speak about the horrific statistics, more and more coworkers, colleagues and friends came forward to tell me their stories. I will describe some of their stories, while honoring their requests for anonymity. (The names have been changed to protect their privacy.)
Carol is 63. She raised three children, held a variety of impressive jobs and was regularly beaten by her husband for the majority of their 35-year marriage. Carol’s hearing deteriorated over time until she was mostly deaf.
Amy is 42. She works as a party planner. She raised two children, worked to help support her family and has recently left her abusive husband. In addition to hitting his wife, her husband used her low vision as a means to undermine her authority with their children, by telling them they needed to “keep an eye on their mother.”
Ben is 26. He was an assistant casting agent before his spinal cord injury. Now, he is an advocate for people with disabilities. Ben’s wife has withheld his wheelchair to immobilize him and terrorized him by covering his mouth and nose, as if she was going to suffocate him.
Jefferson is 51. He is an insurance adjuster with cerebral palsy. His former home health care aide persisted with unwelcome sexual advances until Jefferson was forced to fire the man, before securing an adequate replacement for the vital health care services.
Jamie is 37. He is a professional singer with a severe mobility impairment. His father beat him and his mother, using their disabilities as an excuse for the violence.
Grim Statistics
People with disabilities suffer from physical, sexual and emotional abuse at roughly the same rates as people without disabilities, although men with disabilities are more likely to be sexually abused than their nondisabled counterparts.
Among abused men with disabilities, 65% have been victims of physical abuse, while 24% have been victims of sexual abuse. Among abused women with disabilities, 67% have been victims of physical abuse, while 53% have been victims of sexual abuse.
The numbers aren’t the whole story. Unfortunately, as if it weren’t enough, domestic abuse for people with disabilities isn’t limited to physical, verbal and sexual abuse. People with disabilities are more likely to have their medications withheld or overdosed, to have their finances abused, to have their mobility or breathing aids kept out of reach and to have their personal care services neglected.
Domestic violence perpetrators are most likely to be significant others, parents, children or other close relatives or friends for people with disabilities as well as for people without disabilities. Personal care attendants also have access to, and higher rates of, abuse for people with disabilities. Six percent of women and 8% of men who use the services of paid personal care attendants report being forced into unwanted sexual activity by these employees. Men report more pressure than force to submit to this sexual activity, coupled with an attitude (from their abusers) that they should want any sexual activity.
There is very little research on the sexual abuse of men with disabilities, but what this suggests is that it may occur at much higher rates, due to underreporting, a lack of recognition, as well as the reasons women cite for not reporting sexual abuse: shame and fear. Sometimes, people with disabilities who are the victims of abuse, whether it be by family, friends, or paid personal care attendants, fail to report longstanding violations. They may be coerced into silence or even into participating in unwanted sexual activity. They may feel guilty that their caregivers are not well paid. They may have difficulty reporting, particularly if their disability affects their communication, or they may fear that they won’t be understood or believed. Frighteningly, some people with disabilities are victims of more than one abuser.
There is an overarching pattern to domestic violence, and it is as true for abusers of people with disabilities as it is for abusers of people without disabilities. Domestic violence of any kind is about controlling, abusing and/or intimidating another person in and around their home. Domestic violence strikes at the most cherished fabric of our society; it takes away the safety and comfort that we are supposed to find at home. Domestic violence makes us feel afraid of the people that are supposed to love and care for us, making us fear all people.
In order to break the cycle of domestic violence, we must be brave enough to recognize the abuse. Usually, we must ask for help in getting out of the situation. This may involve moving, going to temporary housing including a shelter, reporting incidents to the police, notifying family or close friends, firing a caregiver, or finding alternative financial arrangements, among other situations. Breaking the cycle of domestic violence is not easy. Preventing it from beginning is the best medicine.
What Can We Do to Protect Ourselves:
• Have a network of personal care attendants, instead of relying on one or two paid personal care attendants or relatives to provide these services.
• Have reliable emergency backup care attendant service.
• Be aware of accessible shelter services in your area.
• Learn effective strategies for hiring, retaining and firing staff.
• Let the people in your life know that you depend on their help and support.
• Educate disability agencies about domestic violence and domestic violence agencies about disability issues.
• Know that you have the right to make the decisions about what you do and don’t want to happen to you.
Lisa Gesson is a Regional Advocate.
