by Kathleen M. Muldoon
The other morning when I looked out of my window I saw a strange sight. My cat Prissy stood as if frozen in one corner of our back yard. She looked like a black and white statue, with her head thrust forward and one front paw raised as if she was about to take a step. Her tail stuck straight out, parallel to her back.
Across the yard, inside our gate, stood another cat, Domino, who belonged to my new neighbor. I had met him the day I went to greet the family who had moved into the house two doors down from mine. But Prissy had not met him. Now, he squatted in a statue-like pose too, his chin aimed toward Prissy. They were about 20 feet apart.
Now I stood like a statue and held my breath. Was I about to witness a cat fight? As if watching a slow motion movie, I saw Domino make the first move-two cautious steps toward Prissy, and then he stopped. Prissy didn’t move. Again and again, Domino approached and then paused. Finally they were inches apart. Very tentatively, Prissy took the final step and put her nose on Domino’s-the feline version of a friendly greeting. They have been friends ever since Domino made that first move toward Prissy.
Are you wondering why I’m telling you all this? It’s because those kitties reminded me of how we humans establish friendships. Think about the times you’ve been the new kid on the block or transferred to a new school in the middle of the year. How about the first day of summer camp, when you didn’t know the other campers or the counselors? For some folks, making new friends comes easily. For those of us who are bashful or have physical challenges, it can be more difficult.
I remember being in one of my college classes with a girl, Valerie, who I knew I would like to have as a friend. From her class participation, I learned that she was interested in some of the same things that I enjoyed, like photography and anything to do with nature. But Valerie was so attractive, so popular, and so athletic. I told myself that my crutches would slow me down too much to even walk down the hall with her. Why should she want me as a friend?
One day during our break I saw Valerie sitting alone at a table. She was sipping a Diet Coke and reading a mystery I had just read and enjoyed. I took a deep breath, walked over to her and said, “That’s a great book. Mary Higgins Clark is one of my favorite authors.”
“Really?” Valerie said. She nodded to the empty chair beside me. “Do you have time to sit down?”
My heart sang as I slipped into the seat. Soon Valerie and I were deep in conversation about mystery books. That was the beginning of a treasured friendship. Years later, I confessed to Valerie that I’d been afraid to approach her that day. And can you guess what she did? She started laughing! Why? Because, she admitted, she was a little intimidated by my crutches and braces and wasn’t sure how to approach me.
What about you? Do you make the first move toward someone you’d like to know, or do you wait until that person approaches you? Maybe you’ve discovered the perfect way to make the first move. I hope you’ll be willing to share any secrets you’ve uncovered when it comes to making new friends, because Kids in Action would like to hear about them. Maybe your success stories will help readers who are too bashful to make the first move. In a short paragraph or two, describe a time when you made the first move and, if you remember what they were, include the words you said to “break the ice.” E-mail this to action@unitedspinal.org or mail it to:
Kids in Action
United Spinal Association
75-20 Astoria Boulevard
Jackson Heights, NY 11370-1177
Maybe you’ll see your friendly advice in a future issue of Action.
Kathleen M. Muldoon is a children’s book author and writing instructor for the Institute of Children’s Literature. She lives in San Antonio, Texas.
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