By Ed Lash
When a person is faced with serious illness, it’s very common to lose self-confidence and self-esteem. It sometimes makes you feel inadequate, probably because illness makes you feel that your body is inadequate. When we have been well for a long time we have a tendency to get overconfident, thinking we are immortal, with super powers over health and believing we’ll never get sick, at least not seriously. Then we get a bad case of the flu or even a common cold, and it brings us back down to earth. A chronic illness such as multiple sclerosis (MS), however, especially after a major attack, can sometimes be emotionally devastating.
A person can lose focus for a time, but MS should never overshadow your accomplishments and other aspects of your life. This type of obsession with MS and its symptoms is sometimes difficult to overcome; but we should not center our lives on MS. We should try to put things back in perspective as soon as we can. One way is to read what others have to say on this subject.
Two of the basics for improving self-esteem include maintaining your physical condition through good diet and exercise and accepting personal responsibilities, as opposed to avoiding them. And remember: When you do something good, it always makes you feel good about yourself.
Another problem with a lack of self-esteem lies in the fact that when we feel inadequate, others absorb that idea very readily and also begin to think of us as inadequate. They then begin treating us that way and we become even less desirable in their eyes, as well as in our own.
To express this another way, here is a quote from Understanding Multiple Sclerosis, a New Handbook for Families, which is co-authored by Dr. Robert Shuman who has MS: “Does having MS mean I am a victim, doomed to suffer the ravages of an illness that will destroy me and whom and what I love? Or is my misfortune a challenge to meet difficulty with some measure of grace, courage, and compassion for myself and others? How one answers this question is more important than symptoms or disability a disease may bring.”
And let’s not forget the value of becoming an active member of an MS support group to help build confidence and foster self-esteem.
According to psychologist Dr. George A. Peters, who spoke at an MS seminar I attended some years ago, a good way to put things in proper perspective is to list approximately 10 characteristics of yourself as a description of who you are. Think about that for a while, then put your list on paper. What are the 10 most important characteristics that you would list to describe yourself?
Your list could include things like:
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• your age
• your physical appearance
• your spiritual beliefs
• your relationships to other people
• your occupation or profession
• your sense of place
• your personality traits (be objective)
• your talents, interests, and hobbies
• and other characteristics that may apply to you.
I hope that after you finish your list, then, and only then, will you suddenly think to yourself, “Oh yes. I also have MS.”
Self-help is not intended to replace medical treatment, but should be used together with the help of all appropriate professionals in a team effort.
Ed Lash is a United Spinal member who lives in Trumbull, Connecticut. This essay is adapted from his book, MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, Self-help . . . A Patient’s View (Vantage Press 2001). He can be contacted by e-mail edlash.ms.selfhelp@juno.com, or by phone at 203-445-0118.
