By Tamar Asedo Sherman
Waiting in line to make a purchase at a department store this morning, a woman asked if I was shopping alone. “No, I’m with my daughter,” I responded before realizing why she asked the question.
I use a manual wheelchair and had several items piled in my lap. She was surprised there was no attendant with me. That’s happened many times before. Other shoppers have stepped in front of me, assuming I’m not in line, that I must be waiting for my caregiver. I always take such an occurrence as an opportunity to educate people.
“I happen to be with my daughter today, but I do shop independently on other occasions. I can get my wheelchair in and out of my van myself with the assistance of a special hoist and I drive my van with hand controls,” I told her. “I have multiple sclerosis.”
She seemed impressed and then told me she has a disability too. She had a bilateral mastectomy 5 years ago. That prompted another woman ahead of me to join in that she had a mastectomy 30 years ago, had a knee replacement 6 months ago and needs to have the other one done now. She had to use a wheelchair for a while and will need to again.
Another woman who was resting on the seat of her 4-wheeled walker interjected that she, too, had both knees replaced, but still needs the walker for distances. And a fourth woman, buying a stack of blouses, said she was preparing for a mastectomy this week and needed loose-fitting clothes that she could put on easily. We’ve all got something!
What seemed to unite us at that moment was a positive attitude. We were out there dealing with whatever impairments we had, but participating in society nonetheless. Not everyone does this. Some people are so overwhelmed by whatever illness or injury they have that they cannot move on with their lives. You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it.
Attitude is the biggest barrier, whether it is on the part of some people without disabilities we encounter who think of us as damaged goods or second- class citizens, or on the part of those of us with disabilities who are embarrassed to be seen by others using a walker or wheelchair and possibly needing assistance.
We’ve all had people say “poor so-and-so” or “what a pity” or “I’m so sorry for you.” But these patronizing feelings shouldn’t translate into the workplace in terms of denying us employment opportunities. On the other hand, there are situations where people have been given their jobs back after illness or injury, paid their full salaries, but not given any of their previous responsibilities, under the assumption that they are unable to fulfill them. That can be just as devastating as being denied the job in the first place.
The media like to feature extraordinary people with disabilities, like Christopher Reeve, who are able to flourish after a devastating injury. Others with similar injuries have pointed out that then they feel pressured to live up to his example. Some have felt that their loved ones and acquaintances seem to have unrealistic expectations of them as a result of such publicity, as if to say, “If Christopher Reeve can do it, why can’t you?”
Then there are ordinary people doing ordinary things, like myself. I’m frequently being told I’m an “inspiration” simply because I am not sitting home alone feeling sorry for myself. While I accept the compliment graciously, in the spirit with which it was intended, I don’t feel that I merit the term.
Exercise is a big part of my life, too. That’s where I get the most accolades for climbing in and out of the pool or on and off the strength-training machines at the local Y in Huntington, New York. People without disabilities tell me that watching me do these ordinary things inspires them to work out with more intensity or for longer duration. If I can do it, they say, they feel that they cannot skip their work-out just because they’re too tired or don’t feel like it.
All I’m doing is living my life the best way I can: by going to work, cooking dinner, spending time with my family and friends, going to theaters, restaurants and parks. Without a positive attitude, I would quickly lose the company of even the most devoted family members and friends.
A positive attitude is the most important aspect of seeking employment. You need to have an “I can do it!” approach. It’s easy to get caught up in what you cannot do, but try to remember your abilities as well.
Tamar Asedo Sherman works as an employment specialist at UCP-Suffolk in Hauppauge, NY. She can be reached at action@unitedspinal.org
