PARENTING: What to Expect

By Jessica Haber

I couldn’t believe it, I was pregnant! Just like any woman my mind was flooding with so many different thoughts and emotions. In addition to the usual fears and doubts of “will I be a good mother?” I had to wonder, how in the world was I going to do this?

Twelve years earlier, when I was in high school, I was paralyzed in a car accident and have since been a paraplegic and used a wheelchair. I finished high school, went on to college, moved across the country, worked, got married, and even owned and operated a restaurant with my husband. But a baby? I really had no idea what to expect. It was then I began my search for information. My doctors had never really dealt with anyone in my situation before, and although they were confident and positive, no one quite knew how my pregnancy and eventual childbirth was going to go. I started looking on line and contacting people I know in different disabled networks, but the information I was able to find was very minimal and not very helpful. I continued to join different website forums and make phone calls.

Eventually, all paths led me to the one woman I could find who had not only been pregnant but had two grown children. We spoke briefly but that was as far as it went. Again, I was on my own.

My pregnancy proceeded as any healthy pregnancy would. Just as in previous times in my life it took some adjusting. As a normally petite woman, the extra weight started making it hard for me to get around and transfer myself. There were quite a few times in my last trimester I had to call my husband home from work to help me lift myself back up or off the floor when I fell down trying to transfer onto the couch or bed or into the shower. I also became unable to drive my car. I had always driven a sedan with hand controls, but in addition to the transfer issue, my belly was too big for me to lift my wheelchair over myself into the passenger seat as I had done for so long.

Along with the adjustments I had to make while pregnant, I had to start planning for when the baby came. How was I going to wheel myself while holding an infant? Where would I put the baby when I had to transfer? How would I get the baby in and out of the crib or on and off the changing table? These and hundreds of other questions were consuming my thoughts. I once again started looking for information on line and once again it was very limited and not very helpful.

Although the information I was able to find was not useful to me, it did spark some ideas. Luckily my husband is handy and was able to help me not only design some new things, but actually build them. We redesigned the crib we had so I would now be able to get the baby in and out without a problem and he would still be able to use it himself. We also made a diaper table and infant carrier that I was able to use quite easily. We found a highchair that worked well and as time went on we thought of more creative ideas that coincided with our growing, developing baby boy. For every stage he went through we had to make modifications, but the older he got, the easier it became.

It would have been great to have someone to turn to for help and advice, but we did the best we could and with a lot of imagination and a beautiful little boy for motivation, we were able to adapt and make things work. From pregnancy through toddler years, things have only become easier to invent and adjust to. I just think it’s important for other disabled women to know that it can be done and despite my early doubts, I’m now confident that I am a good mother and able to care for my son like anyone else.

Have questions about pregnancy or childcare for women with spinal cord disorders? Write to Jessica at action@unitedspinal.org.