ASK THE COACH |
By “Coach” Scott Chesney
If you acquired your Spinal Cord Injury, meaning you were not born with paralysis, but rather had an accident, injury, trauma, or some type of illness or disorder that left you paralyzed at any other time besides at birth, what do you do on the anniversary of your SCI?
Now you must really think I have lost it, huh? Seriously, having just passed my 23rd Anniversary of using a wheelchair and talking to many friends and contacts with SCI, I find it interesting to note what people do on their respective anniversaries. Considering that, not only is it the new year, but I have also received e-mails over the past couple of months related to this topic, I thought it would be a good time to consider it.
First and foremost, how do you look back at the day when you lost the use of a portion of your body? Is just one big blur that you choose not to remember? Is it a nightmare in which you can recall every gruesome detail? Is it a day that you are neither happy about nor sad about because it is what it is and you can’t change it?
There is no right or wrong answer here because whatever it is that you are choosing to experience with regard to the date of your SCI is personal. I am hopeful, nevertheless, that you have made or will make peace with a day that changed your life forever.
Please note that by suggesting you make peace, I don’t mean you should forget what has happened to you; nor am I saying that being paralyzed is something to celebrate joyously like a wedding anniversary. Obviously it is not. But to try to ignore your history is to be prisoner to it. My friend Marc Buoniconti, whose injury inspired the creation of the Miami Project to Cure Paralysis, once told me that being paralyzed is like being a prisoner trapped in your own body, and I certainly agree with him. But Marc is certainly a shining example of someone who is not a prisoner of his mind. He calls the shots and so should you.
So, to return to my question, is there any type of routine or ritual that you follow on the anniversary of your injury or illness?
Believe it or not, there are people who go out and party, some to excess, trying to escape the living hell that they believe their paralysis is. I can honestly say I was one of them in my first 10 years of being paralyzed. It was a day I wanted to forget and make like it never happened. If you choose to observe your anniversary in this manner, make sure that you do not party to excess and please have friends or family around. Let them know how you are feeling on this day so they can support you and not allow it to get too out of hand.
Having grown out of that type of observance, I now choose to spend some quiet time alone to reflect, on the path I was headed on before SCI, and on the fork in the road that took me in a different direction. This day of reflection always takes me to a place of gratitude. For me, it has been 23 years, 23 years that have taken me around the world twice, speaking to and coaching over 1 million people in 38 countries, being married to my best friend for almost 10 years, fathering two beautiful children, having the opportunity to go and visit newly injured individuals with SCI and their families, volunteering for other causes to help people in need, being able to hopefully help you make more sense of your life writing this column, and so much more.
That is what works for me once a year when December 28th comes around. Do I also feel some sadness, anger, and bitterness over the loss of the life I could have lived had this never happened? Absolutely. Whenever something is lost, there is always room for those emotions. But should haves, could haves, and would haves only get you so far. There comes a time when reality sets in and you realize that you can’t change your past.
But sure enough, you can reflect on the past and choose to be in gratitude for what your life, wheelchair and all, means to you, your family, and those around you who are simply happy that you are still alive and a part of their lives.
Here’s to your anniversary and a new year full of gratitude and peace.
Scott Chesney is an internationally recognized motivational speaker and life coach, who was paralyzed from a rare spinal stroke at the age of 15, back in 1985. He can be reached at schesney@unitedspinal.org.
