PARENTING |
By Jessica Haber
Just as life was getting easier and things were starting to become more “normal” after my son was born, my husband and I got a nice surprise: I am now six months pregnant with baby number two. I thought it was a little difficult the first time around; now it has all come back to me. All in all, the first trimester wasn’t so bad. Besides the normal exhaustion and nausea, things went pretty much as planned. It was when my belly started to grow that I started to remember just what I had gone through the first time around.
Although information and resources are still limited, I had the advantage this time around of being familiar with the high-risk practice I went to during my first pregnancy. They are also more aware of me, my body, and everything I went though four years ago. It has become a lot easier since we all know what to expect and they don’t have to keep such a close watch on me. The first time around it seemed like it was a learning experience for everyone. This time we are all on the same page and know how my body will react and what to look out for.
That said, as I get bigger, my regular office visits and daily living are proving once again to get more difficult. When I do go to my doctor’s appointments, part of the regular visit is being weighed. Since I can’t stand on the scale, this involves my husband weighing himself and piggybacking me onto the scale for my routine weigh in. I also can no longer transfer myself onto the doctor’s table and need help from either him or the nurse. I will still face the same risks with actual childbirth, but I’m a lot more confident now since everything went so smoothly the first time.
My daily activities and lifestyle have had to go through some modifications as well. I currently drive a modified van, so getting myself and my son in and out of the van is easier than when I drove a car. At this point I am starting to have trouble transferring into my shower, onto the toilet, and onto my bed. It also takes me twice as long to do a lot of everyday things. With the extra weight and larger belly, my balance is a little off and even putting my pants on takes extra time. I also can no longer bend enough to reach the floor. As someone who enjoys my independence, this is extremely frustrating. Although I am thankful for my husband and loved ones who are always willing to help, the fact that I need them for so much is emotionally hard to deal with.
As my belly continues to grow and my lap continues to shrink; I’m realizing just how useful my lap has been prior to my pregnancy. If I needed to carry a plate, a book, some laundry—pretty much anything—I used to just put it on my lap and go. Now I have to try holding onto it with one hand and pushing with the other. It’s not the end of the world, but it takes practice. My lap had also become my son’s favorite seat and means of transportation. This is no longer even a possibility. He has to walk next to me now, but has also taken to standing on my footrest and trying to lean on my lap. It’s hard to move that way, but I feel bad so I let him do it when I can!
After years of modifying and perfecting my ability to care for my son, it is once again becoming a challenge. Getting myself into his bed at night to read him books is getting difficult as he has a raised panel on the side. I can also no longer help him get out of the tub, which has made bathing and showering him tricky. He has been forced into being more independent. I can’t physically help him with as many things, so he is learning to do more on his own. He is very adaptive and doesn’t seem to be phased by it all, but it is bothersome to me.
I am very thankful to be pregnant again, and no matter how much adjusting and reorganizing we have to do, of course it will be worth it. It is definitely more of a challenge this time around with another child to care for—but isn’t that what life is all about?
I am in no way complaining about how hard things are. I just want women with mobility impairments who are thinking of becoming mothers to be aware of the little things you may not consider or even think about normally. I would love to be able to help and encourage anyone I can with the little experience I have. As long as you are willing to change and adjust as necessary, anything is possible.
Have questions or suggestions about pregnancy or childcare for women with spinal cord disorders? Write to Jessica at jhaber@unitedspinal.org.
