| PARENTING
By Jessica Haber
I am now the proud mother of a second beautiful boy—me, a mom with spinal cord injury!
I must admit that the whole experience of my second pregnancy was much easier than my first. Since I had already been through pregnancy and birth before, I was able to better prepare and make accommodations for myself and my new baby.
I saw the same Ob/Gyn from my first pregnancy, and as I have shared before, they were much more comfortable knowing what to expect with my pregnancy and what my body would go through. I was able to go to regular scheduled appointments and not be constantly monitored as I was the first time. Since I had a Caesarian section with my first son, I opted to schedule one for this pregnancy as well. Knowing the exact date I would be giving birth gave me the opportunity to have everything ready in my house and also have the hospital arrange for my stay.
When I was in the hospital after the birth of my first child, my stay was pretty uncomfortable. I wrongly assumed that because it was a hospital, it would be accessible. After my surgery I was unable to shower or use the bathroom in my room. The staff was unsympathetic and not that willing to help me work things out.
Experience taught me a valuable lesson: this time I called the hospital in advance and spoke to the head nurse. I made her aware of my first experience and told her what I would need this time so that I could be comfortable. When I was given a room after my surgery, she had arranged for a private room where I was able to move around easily and roll in under the sink. Although there was no accessible shower in the room, she had the roll-in shower that was being used for storage in the hallway cleaned out and ready for me as well as a shower chair. I also was assigned a wonderful nurse who was experienced with spinal cord injuries that they made available to me to help with my hygienic needs as well as getting myself mobile again after the surgery.
I was doing very well and feeling quite good about everything until the night before I was discharged—that’s when the panic set in. Even with all the preparations I had made in my home, and my previous knowledge, I was a nervous wreck. I was suddenly afraid to go home, terrified that I didn’t know what to do with the baby or how to care for him. Until then, I had nurses to help me and I didn’t take him out of the hospital room. Other than sitting still and feeding him, I really hadn’t had to care for my son yet.
What did I do? I called in the troops: When I arrived home for the first time with my baby, I had a few family members there to help.
It was early afternoon when I realized I had nothing to worry about. It didn’t take long before it all came back to me and my instincts and creativity set in. I have a nursing pillow (a popular baby item called a “Boppy”) that is shaped like a “C”. I use that around my waist and it gives me extra support and a place to rest the baby when he is on my lap. When I need to, it also allows me to set him on my lap and use both my hands to push myself. I also have trouble reaching into the bassinet. I realized that if I connect the car seat into the stroller, it is the perfect height for me to get him in and out and makes a great place for him to rest. I can also use it to move him from room to room in my house when I don’t want to hold him in my arms or on my lap.
The changing table was also something I had to modify. With my first child I just used my kitchen table. It was okay because we never used it to eat meals and it was the perfect height for me to roll under and feel comfortable and safe changing the baby. This was not the case the second time around. We now use the kitchen table for dining, and it just wouldn’t be practical for multiple purposes.
The only changing table I could find that I could roll under is the kind you see in public bathrooms. Although I wouldn’t have objected for that reason, it is extremely expensive. Again we did some research and found a small table top and attachable adjustable legs (sold separately) at Ikea. It’s great because you can choose the size of the table and a variety of legs that you can set at different heights to meet your needs. Now I have a small table that is exactly what I need.
So far, while having a second baby gets easier every day, it is a constant learning experience. We are constantly brainstorming as to how we can do things or make things easier. As the baby gets a little bigger, our circumstances will no doubt change again, as will our needs.
Right now I am working on trying to get the baby in my van and into a car seat that faces the rear. I didn’t have to do that with my first son and it is proving to be our biggest challenge yet. If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them as well as any other innovative ideas you might have. Please e-mail me at the address below.
There is so little out there for parents like us, together we can help each other and make a difference for others.
Have questions or suggestions about pregnancy or childcare for women with spinal cord disorders? Write to Jessica at jhaber@unitedspinal.org.
